The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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