Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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