HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize