This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
