How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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