Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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