what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
