you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
