Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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