He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard