Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
