I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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