OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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