he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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