That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
