they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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