is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
