Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
