in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
