So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
