Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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