i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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