You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
