i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
