I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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