Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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