yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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