Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
