I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
