The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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