No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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