in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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