Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
