she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
