That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
