The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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