How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
