I'm gonna have a badass scar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
