the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
