Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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