..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
