Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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