You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
