I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
