Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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