So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
