we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize