Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
