Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
