I'm going to jail i love you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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