Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?