I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story