I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
