Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
