Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
