Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
