ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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