I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
