i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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