Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
