Whoa Z and x make the same sound
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize