I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
