at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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