I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
