why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
