Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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