i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
