you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
