Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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