i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
