Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
