she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this will be a night to untag.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
