Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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