atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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