I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
