Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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