It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
