I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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