i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
