drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
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Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize