is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
