Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
