Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
