We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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