That's intense
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
