Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
