Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
