I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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