you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
