If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
