well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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