Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
