my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude. I can hear the air.
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