I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
is it fun? or sober?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
